Dad came back from working away for 3 years

It was time to go to bed, but instead of lying on the bed, my daughter asked me to crawl underneath it. I was puzzled.

My wife and I got married and then had a daughter. We didn’t receive any support from either side of the family because both families were poor and had many children. Because of this, I discussed with my wife that I would go abroad for labor work for a few years to save up some money, making it easier for us to build a life when I returned. My wife agreed and borrowed some money to send me abroad to work.

For three whole years, to save money, I didn’t return home even once; I only sent money back for my wife to take care of our child and instructed her to save it. I promised her that when I returned, I would build a house and open a small grocery store. In return, I worked tirelessly, doing overtime regularly, so I rarely called home. This led my wife to suspect that I might have a new relationship and was neglecting her and our child. Several times, she texted me with complaints:

• “What are you so busy with that you can't even call your wife and child? You answer texts vaguely; do you have someone new?”

Sometimes I replied, but other times, I was so busy I forgot to respond to her messages.

This Lunar New Year marked exactly three years since I went abroad for work. I decided to set aside some money to buy a plane ticket and go home for the holiday for two weeks before returning to continue working, without informing my wife in advance. When I arrived home and saw my wife and daughter, I felt a mix of happiness and sadness. My wife then asked me to answer a series of questions before allowing me to come inside.

After passing my wife’s questioning, I faced an even more challenging hurdle: my daughter. When I approached to give her a hug, the child backed away behind her mother, clearly cautious, despite my warm smile and open arms. That moment made my heart ache, as it was so different from what I had imagined. Seeing my daughter like that, my wife encouraged her:

• "That’s your dad, he’s back. Go hug him. Mommy has forgiven him, so you should forgive him too. Everyone has been waiting for him to come back, why are you being so shy now?"

Hearing her mother, the child slowly approached me and gave me a hug, though she didn’t seem very excited. My daughter had grown so much. When I left, she was only 3 years old, tiny. Now, she was 6 and in first grade.

For the entire day, I spent time getting reacquainted with my daughter. As I listened to her thoughts, I realized how many milestones in her growth I had missed. Not only that, but my lack of frequent communication had mentally affected her as well.

That evening, as we were preparing to go to bed, my daughter asked:

• "Dad, can you sleep in my room with me?"

• "Of course, I can."

But what surprised me was that my daughter didn’t want me to sleep on the bed but instead invited me to crawl underneath.

• "Why don’t you sleep on the bed? Why go under it?"

• "Just come down here with me, I want to show you something."

The bed she slept on had a high frame, so even an adult like me could crawl underneath. What I saw there took me by surprise. Underneath the bed was a small teddy bear, the first and only gift I had ever given to my daughter before I went abroad for work.

• "Why are you still keeping this teddy bear?"

• "This is the gift you gave me, so I keep it as a memory. Whenever I miss you, I take it out to look at."

• "Why don’t you keep it on the desk or take it to the bed to hug? Why keep it under here and crawl down every time you want to hug it?"

• "I’m scared of Mom. Every time I mention you, she gets angry, so I’m afraid she will throw it away. That’s why I keep it down here, where she doesn’t think to look."

I was choked up at what my daughter said. I never imagined my mistakes would cause my daughter so much pain from missing me.

I told my wife about this, and she was shocked as well. Our child had been secretly doing this, and she didn’t even know. Both of us realized how our mistakes had unknowingly placed our child in the middle, suffering the most. I never expected that our daughter would be so understanding.

A reader’s reflection:

When parents have to work far away to earn money, they often worry about maintaining emotional connections with their children at home. The distance can cause feelings of loneliness, but with the right efforts, you can still stay close and nurture your relationship with your child. Here are some ways to connect with your child while working abroad:

1. Stay in Touch Regularly
   In this digital age, connecting with your child through video calls on apps like Zoom, Skype, or FaceTime is very easy. Take time every day or week to call, chat, or simply see each other. This will help your child feel closer to you. You can even share a meal through the screen, play games online, or just talk about your day.

2. Send Surprise Gifts
   One effective way to show your love is by sending your child surprise gifts. This not only creates joy but also makes your child feel remembered. You can send toys, books, or small gifts your child likes. A handwritten letter can also provide warmth and make your child feel special.

3. Plan Visits
   Even with a busy work schedule, try to plan regular visits to see your child. The time spent together will be a great opportunity to strengthen your relationship and create beautiful memories. During holidays or weekends, try to arrange time to come home and spend quality time playing and chatting with your child.

4. Share Activities
   Create activities that you and your child can enjoy together online. For example, you can watch a movie together, read a book, or participate in an online game. These activities help strengthen your bond and create memorable moments you can share.

5. Teach Your Child Independence
   Although you can’t be with your child 24/7, you can still help them develop independence. Teach your child to do simple tasks like cooking, doing homework, or taking care of themselves. This not only boosts their confidence but also provides an opportunity for you to guide them from afar.

6. Establish Family Traditions
   Setting up family traditions can help you feel more connected. It could be a weekly video dinner or telling stories before bed. These routines make your child feel that you are still with them, even though you’re physically apart.

7. Listen and Share Emotions
   Always be open to listening to your child’s feelings. This helps you understand what they’re going through and makes them feel cared for. At the same time, share your own emotions with them so they know you love and miss them.

8. Capture Memorable Moments
   Capture memorable moments between you and your child, from photos to short videos. You can create an online photo album to look back on these beautiful memories together. This helps both you and your child feel closer and strengthens your connection.