39 Cringy Notes Teachers Wrote To Poor, Poor Parents

Experts say it’s not unusual for kids to behave differently in different settings. After all, you’d expect a child to act one way at a friend’s birthday party and another when visiting the grandparents. But the behavior of some kids — especially those with issues such as anxiety, learning disabilities, ADHD, and autism — can vary much more markedly, especially when they’re at home versus school. This discrepancy can leave parents puzzled, if not upset, and worried that they’re making huge mistakes.

Some kids may meet expectations at school, but if it’s a struggle for them, it can take its toll at home. Children with ADHD, anxiety, autism, and learning disabilities “may be using a lot of their resources to follow directions or cope in the classroom,” Stephanie Lee, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, said. Once all these kids get home, “it’s challenging for them to conjure up the same amount of resources to manage.”

She also added that many kids, in fact, benefit from the consistency, structure, predictability, and routine that come with their school environment. This often cannot be repeated at home “because that’s not how life works.”

But for most kids, academic and social demands at school are beyond what they typically face at home, Dr. Lee pointed out. That may trigger problem behaviors they don’t exhibit at home.

For example, children with social anxiety who worry about how they’re being perceived by others, or children who have anxieties relating to performance, might have fewer problem behaviors at home but when they get to school and have to do math or read a passage aloud, they might engage in some negative behaviors to avoid that. “Acting out in this particular situation might end up being functional for them,” Dr. Lee said, “because if they act a little silly, the teacher might scold them, but then they move on.”