Carla Abellana is relieved that she can now laugh off her three-month marriage with her ex-husband Tom Rodriguez, as she recalled how she ignored the red flags at the time.
During an interview with Karen Davila on her YouTube channel last Thursday, Nov. 30, Abellana admitted that she, too, thought that her marriage with Rodriguez would last since their relationship seemingly survived during the height of the pandemic.
“We got married in 2021 during the pandemic. And during the pandemic, mas nakilala namin ang isa’t isa (we learned about each other more). Unfortunately, our marriage also ended during the pandemic,” she said. “I felt [the pandemic] was a test and somehow we passed it. I was more encouraged to settle down and eventually marry him.”
The actress confessed that she was in shock at how fast her marriage with Rodriguez eventually ended since they dated for six years before saying “I do.”
“Daig ko pa si (I had it harder than) Kim Kardashian. Just kidding,” she quipped. “Even ako, I’m in shock. At that time, I said, this has got to be one of the fastest or the shortest [marriages]. I’d say like three months, that’s very fast, so at least ngayon (now), I can laugh about it.”
Despite this, Abellana stressed that having a failed marriage is “not a joke,” and that she eventually “forgave” him for all the “red flags, disrespect, and lying” that happened in their relationship. “It’s not a good thing that it was very short. I never imagined I’d end up getting married and have such a short marriage.”
“Eventually, I knew I’d be able to get to the point where or when I’ll forgive him. Of course, I’ll never forget but something in me knows I’ll eventually forgive [Tom],” she added. “Of course, I know more about red flags now than I did. I did see red flags [before] but at that time, hindi pa po ako masyadong aware (I wasn’t that aware).”
The actress didn’t elaborate on the red flags that caused the breakdown of her marriage with Rodriguez, but she stated that it had something to do with his “behavior [and] personality.”
“We’re expected to forgive and just give chances, and the relationship is worth fighting for. So I just brushed off the red flags. But it’s not healthy,” she said. “It’s not healthy to see these red flags and just ignore [them]. I thought there would be change, but there’s no change.”
In hopes of helping fellow women going through difficult marriages, Abellana reminded them to “respect” themselves and to be firm when “enough is enough.”
“I guess my only advice is to make sure you don’t lose yourself and you respect yourself. You don’t forget yourself. It always comes to a point when enough is enough, so hopefully, they know kung hanggang kailan nila kaya (until when they can handle the pain),” she said, noting she didn’t establish her boundaries back then.
“It’s more of a realization [for me at the time]. The red flags, it’s more of forgetting and not minding them. It’s a form of disrespecting yourself because you may have boundaries, pero nagko-cross ‘yung boundaries. Of course, it was a choice to forgive the person and all that to stay in the relationship, pero I never listened to myself,” she further added.
Abellana, who stressed in the interview that she wasn’t “physically hurt” during their marriage, tied the knot with Rodriguez in October 2021. After months of being together, the latter confirmed in June 2022 that they’re divorced and he’s currently based in the US.
Earlier this year, the actress revealed that she had filed a “petition for the recognition” of their divorce in the country. The Philippines is one of the few countries in the world where divorce is not considered to be legal, as of this writing.
