In life, it’s inevitable that we will be asked to lend money by relatives or friends. If you refuse, you might risk losing their affection or damaging your own dignity. But if you lend the money, you may worry they won’t be able to pay you back, and you might even end up losing the relationship altogether.

So, what should we do to make the best decision when someone asks to borrow money? Whether you want to say yes or no, emotionally intelligent people will ask these three questions to avoid unnecessary troubles.

1.  Why do you need to borrow money?

When someone asks to borrow money, the first thing you need to find out is why they need it. Don’t underestimate this question, because it helps you understand their ability to repay and prevents more serious consequences.

One day, a close friend suddenly asked to borrow some money. No matter how good the relationship was, your first reaction shouldn’t be to immediately give them the money. Instead, ask why they need to borrow it and what difficulties they are facing.

I have a friend who is independent and strong-willed. He’s quiet but friendly. One day, he — someone who never wants to trouble others — messaged me asking to borrow money.

I was stunned for a moment. The more I asked, the more I understood his tough situation. He had borrowed capital to start a business years ago but was cheated. Now, he can’t get his money back, and the business went bankrupt.

He has a large monthly debt to pay and no choice but to return to office work. However, this month his salary was delayed, so he needed to borrow money from me. Then, he showed me proof of the fraud and his total current debt.

After hearing his story and confirming its truth, I comforted him and transferred some money. For me, it was likely he would repay, since he borrowed to overcome a temporary difficulty, not because he was lazy or extravagant. Indeed, a few days later, he paid me back and thanked me for my help.

In life, no matter how hard you work, anyone can face financial difficulties for various reasons. Whether by luck or environment, some people manage to overcome financial and life challenges.

But the real test is how a person faces those troubles. As long as they don’t run away, the difficulties will eventually pass, and the money you lent will come back one day.

2.  Why are you borrowing money from me?

When someone asks to borrow money, whether you intend to lend or not, you should ask: “Why are you borrowing money from me instead of someone else?”

This question is not just to confirm the relationship between you and them. Instead, it’s an opportunity to understand how others see you.

Borrowing money isn’t a big deal among close people, but sometimes, even acquaintances may ask to borrow money. Their words can reveal a lot about the situation.

For example, if someone says: “Mr. A told me to borrow money from you. He said you will definitely lend it to me.”

When you hear this, carefully consider your relationship with Mr. A. Usually, if Mr. A easily reveals your financial situation to others, he may not be a close friend. Although you have a good relationship, you might just be “a wallet” to help them get through difficulties.

In another case, the borrower may say they chose to borrow from you “because you’re a kind person.” Their words may be sincere but imply that you are seen as “too good” by everyone.

When you hear this, reflect on how others perceive you.

Do you always avoid conflicts in work and social situations? Do you often give in to others or sacrifice yourself to maintain relationships?

If yes, then unfortunately, you are “a good person” to others but “bad to yourself.” Constantly pleasing others builds up emotional and psychological pressure, which becomes a heavy burden over time.

In social situations, we should avoid being “too good” in a harmful way. When someone asks to borrow money and you realize they see you as “someone who always sacrifices for others,” saying no when necessary is the first step to stepping out of your comfort zone, living bravely, and thinking for yourself.

3.  How much money do you need to borrow?

This last question helps clarify the debt relationship between you and the borrower. Before deciding to lend money, you must determine whether lending will affect your own life.

In today’s world where “debtors” seem everywhere, you -  the lender - might still be burdened with bank loans for a house or car.

Lending money must be done so it does not negatively impact your own life.

Also, before lending, try to find out their income to estimate their ability to repay. For example, if someone earns 3 million VND a month and asks to borrow 10 million VND, it will be extremely difficult for them to repay.

Remember, some people believe that lending money without getting it back is not a bad thing. They comfort themselves by saying “spending money to understand people’s hearts” is a way to cleanse social relationships. But this situation should be avoided as much as possible.

Lending money to friends in emergencies shows you are kind-hearted, which is not bad.

However, to protect yourself, when considering lending, always ask these three questions first before making your own judgment.