Every relationship experiences ups and downs. Disagreements, stressful seasons, and changing life circumstances are a normal part of sharing a life with another person. Yet while occasional conflict is expected, relationship experts have found that certain patterns of behavior may be linked to a higher likelihood of long-term dissatisfaction and, in some cases, divorce.

It's important to remember that no single behavior can predict the future of a marriage or relationship. Many couples overcome significant challenges through honest communication, mutual effort, and, when needed, professional support. However, recognizing early warning signs can help couples address issues before they become deeply rooted.

Research from psychologists, marriage counselors, and relationship scientists suggests that the health of a relationship often depends less on the number of disagreements and more on how couples handle those disagreements and connect with each other over time.

Here are six surprising warning signs that many couples overlook—and what you can do about them.

1. Small Acts of Contempt

Many people assume that major arguments are the greatest threat to a relationship.

Surprisingly, research suggests that contempt may be one of the strongest indicators of long-term relationship problems.

Contempt involves communicating disrespect or superiority toward a partner.

Examples include:

• Eye rolling

• Mocking

• Sarcastic insults

• Name-calling

• Belittling achievements

• Speaking with disdain

Unlike ordinary frustration, contempt attacks a person's sense of worth.

Over time, repeated expressions of contempt can erode trust and emotional safety.

What Helps

Instead of criticizing the person, focus on discussing the specific behavior.

For example:

Instead of saying:

"You're so lazy."

Try:

"I feel overwhelmed when household chores aren't shared."

Respectful communication keeps problems focused on solutions rather than personal attacks.

2. Turning Away from Small Moments of Connection

Healthy relationships aren't built only during anniversaries or vacations.

They grow through countless everyday interactions.

Relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman describes these moments as "bids for connection."

A bid might be:

• Sharing a funny story

• Asking for help

• Pointing out a beautiful sunset

• Showing excitement about good news

• Seeking comfort after a difficult day

Partners can respond in three ways:

• Turn toward

• Turn away

• Turn against

Consistently ignoring or dismissing these small moments can gradually weaken emotional closeness.

What Helps

Make an effort to notice and respond to your partner's attempts to connect.

Sometimes a simple smile, question, or hug can strengthen your bond.

3. Avoiding Conflict Completely

Many people believe that couples who rarely argue have the healthiest relationships.

In reality, never discussing disagreements can be just as problematic as constant fighting.

Avoidance often means important issues remain unresolved.

Over time, small frustrations accumulate.

Eventually, emotional distance replaces open communication.

Healthy couples don't avoid conflict.

They learn how to disagree respectfully.

What Helps

Choose calm moments to discuss concerns rather than waiting until emotions become overwhelming.

Focus on understanding before trying to persuade.

4. Losing Curiosity About Each Other

At the beginning of a relationship, couples ask endless questions.

They want to know everything about each other.

Years later, many assume they already know everything there is to know.

But people continue growing throughout life.

Dreams change.

Interests evolve.

Personal goals shift.

When curiosity disappears, emotional intimacy often fades as well.

What Helps

Continue asking meaningful questions.

For example:

• What's been on your mind lately?

• What's something you're excited about?

• Is there anything you've been worrying about?

• What's one goal you'd like to achieve this year?

Remaining curious helps partners continue growing together.

5. Positive Moments Become Rare

Every relationship includes difficult conversations.

However, healthy relationships also include far more positive interactions than negative ones.

Researchers have suggested that satisfied couples tend to experience many more positive moments than unpleasant ones during everyday life.

Positive interactions include:

• Laughing together

• Expressing appreciation

• Physical affection

• Shared hobbies

• Encouragement

• Kind words

When positive moments disappear, relationships may begin to feel like endless problem-solving.

What Helps

Create opportunities for connection.

Simple habits include:

• Eating meals together

• Walking after dinner

• Sending thoughtful messages

• Expressing gratitude daily

• Planning regular date nights

Small gestures often matter more than grand romantic events.

6. Viewing Your Partner as an Opponent Instead of a Teammate

During conflict, it's easy to focus on winning.

Unfortunately, relationships aren't competitions.

When couples begin treating disagreements as battles, both people often lose.

Healthy couples approach problems together.

Instead of asking:

"Who's right?"

They ask:

"How can we solve this together?"

Shifting from blame to teamwork changes the entire tone of difficult conversations.

What Helps

Use language that emphasizes partnership.

Examples include:

• "Let's figure this out."

• "We're facing this together."

• "How can we improve this situation?"

These phrases reinforce that the relationship itself is more important than winning an argument.

What Healthy Relationships Have in Common

Strong relationships aren't perfect.

They simply develop healthy habits over time.

Many happy couples consistently practice:

• Honest communication

• Mutual respect

• Active listening

• Emotional support

• Appreciation

• Shared laughter

• Physical affection

• Flexibility

• Trust

• Forgiveness

None of these habits eliminate conflict.

Instead, they make conflict easier to navigate.

When Stress Isn't Really About the Relationship

Sometimes relationship tension actually begins outside the relationship.

External stressors may include:

• Financial pressure

• Parenting responsibilities

• Career changes

• Illness

• Caring for aging parents

• Lack of sleep

Recognizing these outside influences helps couples avoid blaming each other for problems created by stressful circumstances.

Working together against the problem often strengthens the relationship.

The Importance of Communication

Communication isn't simply talking.

It also involves:

• Listening without interrupting

• Validating emotions

• Asking thoughtful questions

• Expressing appreciation

• Speaking respectfully during disagreements

Even difficult conversations become more productive when both partners feel heard.

Can Relationships Recover?

Absolutely.

Many couples experience serious challenges and still build stronger relationships.

Research suggests that couples often improve when they:

• Recognize unhealthy patterns early

• Accept responsibility for their own behavior

• Practice empathy

• Develop better communication skills

• Spend meaningful time together

• Seek professional guidance when necessary

Relationship counseling isn't only for couples in crisis.

Many partners benefit from learning healthier ways to communicate before problems become overwhelming.

Daily Habits That Strengthen Relationships

Small actions repeated consistently often have the greatest impact.

Consider these daily habits:

• Say "thank you."

• Offer compliments sincerely.

• Put away phones during conversations.

• Hug each other regularly.

• Share meals whenever possible.

• Ask about each other's day.

• Laugh together.

• Respect personal space.

• Celebrate small successes.

• End disagreements with kindness whenever possible.

These simple routines help maintain emotional closeness over time.

When Professional Help May Be Beneficial

Every relationship faces difficult seasons.

However, if you notice ongoing patterns such as constant hostility, emotional withdrawal, repeated unresolved conflicts, or a complete breakdown in communication, it may be helpful to speak with a licensed couples therapist or relationship counselor.

Seeking support is not a sign of failure. For many couples, it is a proactive step toward understanding each other better, developing healthier communication skills, and rebuilding trust.

The Bottom Line

There is no single sign that guarantees a relationship will end in divorce. Every couple is unique, and many partnerships grow stronger after working through difficult periods. However, patterns such as contempt, emotional disconnection, conflict avoidance, loss of curiosity, a decline in positive interactions, and treating each other like opponents instead of teammates have all been associated with lower relationship satisfaction in psychological research.

The encouraging news is that these patterns are often changeable. By communicating openly, showing appreciation, responding to each other's emotional needs, and approaching challenges as a team, couples can strengthen their connection over time. Healthy relationships are not built on perfection—they are built on consistent respect, empathy, and the willingness to keep growing together through every stage of life.