Warning: just in case you’re a building inspector, you might want to look away now. And if you’re an aspiring handyman, you might want to look away even harder. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let us introduce you to Trevor Lahey, AKA Greaseball1987. He claims to be a Certified Caulk Installer who charges $17.40/hour with no negotiations and once you see his masterpieces, you’ll quickly see why he’s worth the price. Well, for the laughs at least.
Read more #1
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“Generally speaking toilets are poorly designed, way too many twists and and turns. I like to elevate the shitter as much as possible so when you’re dropping bombs it’s a straight drop to the city! Feeling like a Gargoyle up on your perch is just a bonus!”
#2
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“Customer safety is always a top priority of mine. With no hesitation I always add a couple extra screws to make sure the plates don’t fall off. Electrocution is a very serious issue which I do not take lightly”
#3
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“Some tasks are easier than they look! This task is just as easy as it looks. I opted to add the stopper a little lower because I know overtime the door will sag and I ain’t interested in callbacks! I’m always thinking ahead; probably why I am so successful!”
#4
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“I love when my clients send me pictures of my work after I have left. Really shows how satisfied they are with the work!”
#5
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“I don’t know about you but I have spent hours looking at dank memes on the shitter only to have my battery die! That is why I have decided to add outlets on all my toilets for charging purposes so I can keep the party going!”
#6
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“I’ve mastered the 90 degree corner so I was excited about the challenge of trimming this radius. I guess I’m a master of doing the radius also! Special shout out to homedepot for making all these cuts for me!”
#7
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“I had a customer looking to increase the window size at his store. His sales are down and he thinks it is possibly related to the lack of natural light in the showroom! Frankly I agree! I put in this massive window which has tripled the natural light, inevitably tripling his sales also!”
#8
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“Customer refused to pay my hourly rate; instead he opted to pay per fitting. I was a little hesitant at first but I think this might be the better way to charge! I made a fortune off this job”
#9
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“When looking for studs, I generally start as far away from my mounting location as possible, and start sending screws home until I make a secure connection. Now when this satisfied customer is sitting back and watching re-runs of Two and a Half Men, they will remember how difficult the installation was, and will understand why my bill was so high!”
#10
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“Luxury at its finest. I added this soap shelf complimentary to the customer because we all know what happens when you drop the soap in the shower! You gotta bend over and pick it up, and nobody is having a good time doing that! I sometimes wonder if all these extra freebies I do are gonna crush my bottom line one day, my rates are so high though so I should be good!”
#11
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“I always leave the barcode facing out. This way it stays clean and easily scannable when you decide to return the tiles”
#12
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“Matching these old profiles can be next to impossible, I find if you try your best, and get it as close as possible, nobody is the wiser! I selected this profile which is practically identical, other than a few minor differences. If I didn’t point it out, you would never have noticed!”
#13
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“I increased the size of this return air grille because I felt the existing grille was undersized! Sometimes you just need to return a little extra air to the furnace! Only way to keep it working properly!”
#14
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“One of the shutters fell off my customers house. He asked if I could match existing. After all the excellent work I put out you’d think at this point humans would just know I can do anything. So once again I blew the socks right off the customer with my advanced set of skill”
#15
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“You have to be careful when cutting into structure. Always leave an inch at the bottom of the joist, this way it will retain its structure! By running this pipe through it, and spray foaming it altogether the joist is stronger than when I started; stronger than wood itself!”
#16
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“I started removing this tub surround so I could prep for tile and my oh my it was my lucky day. There was already tile installed. After a quick tidy up I’ll be submitting my bill and then onto the next one!”
#17
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“Turning a 1.5 bath home into a 2.5 bath is surprising easy. I’m surprised more humans don’t do it! It immediately increases the value of the home…. not to mention the cost savings on water; I can be dropping a bomb simultaneously as my friend yet it’s only gonna take 6L to send them home!”
#18
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“When installing vanities, I generally make a few reference holes so I can get my bearings in relation to the pipe. I usually get it in 4-6 holes, it doesn’t really matter if you go over though, as it’s the inside of the cabinet. When I’m done I caulk the holes so the rats can’t get through, and then toss a pack of sponges on top! In the end no one is the wiser! ”
#19
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“My customer wanted me to replace her deck with 1×1 deck tiles and she was ecstatic when I surprised her with 4×4 deck tiles. The customers reaction is why I constantly strive to outdo myself and exceed the high expectations that I have created for myself! And yes I built this deck a few years ago but she wanted a fresh look!”
#20
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“Home Depot only stocks 8′ lengths of laminate countertops so I had to make up this extension. I love doing custom work because it is so satisfying when you take a step back and see a job well done! The average person would not have been able to pull this off!”
#21
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“Ever been walking down the stairs and found out that your phone needed a charge!? I have come up with the solution! The best part is there is a built in seat while you wait for your phone to finish charging. Comfort and convenience are key in this business! Don’t feel like waiting? You can safely tuck the cord and phone tight up against the kick board, and it will be safe and out of the way!”
#22
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“Have you ever tried taking 2 buckets apart? It’s impossible; that’s why I always look to the bucket for all my HVAC needs! The wedge fit guarantees no heat loss, so it’s a no brainer!”
#23
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“Keep those pesky drafts at bay with a tight bead of caulk! Think of the energy savings! The more money in my customers pocket means more billable hours on my invoice ”
#24
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“When repairing cracks in facia panel, I always look to a dumper hinge for my repair! The play in the hinge allows enough movement, but ridged enough to prevent further cracks. The best part is that the hinge allows for any future access required; just open the facia like a door and work with optimal access, and then just close her up when you’re done, and no one is the wiser!”
#25
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“I’m not sure why they make downspouts so large, I find it’s best to reduce the size of the opening, so less water comes out. That way there is less water to freeze, so you avoid those embarrassing slips and falls. I already have back problems from sitting on the toilet for so long looking at memes, I don’t need it from slipping and falling too”
#26
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“I’ve mastered the exterior cope, so I am always looking for a new challenge and ways to add a little pizzazz to my work. Here I opted for the double back cut corner. It’s a win on all fronts!”
#27
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“Just got this ceiling fan installed. This is the next best thing to having an air conditioner! 2 speed settings with option to exhaust!i had to cut a big hole in order to properly use the exhaust setting. I am thrilled with the result!”
#28
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“Yep! I do electrical too! My kitchen was a little dark so I added some undercabinet lighting! It really brightens the kitchen up and I know I’ll see a better return when I goto sell the house from this and all the other upgrades I’ve done at the house!!”
#29
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“My goal is to always make a splash and have my work standout from the competition! I lined up this same pattern 3 times in a row, it is this kind of attention to detail that keeps me booking 2 weeks in advance. 4 rows would have been too much!”
#30
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“Sometimes I just like to show off. Busting out different techniques like the corner reveal is just child’s play to me. These advanced techniques are the determining factor whether or not you should be in the trades though. I mean there is a reason I’m so successful…. it’s not for everyone”
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