Parents may not immediately recognize what is happening. Children sometimes hide bullying because they feel embarrassed, fear retaliation, or worry that adults will make the situation worse.
That is why the first response matters.
When a child says, “Someone keeps making fun of me,” or “Nobody wants me in their group,” an adult might instinctively reply, “Ignore them,” “Be stronger,” or “Fight back.” These responses may be intended to build resilience, but they can leave a child feeling that solving the problem is entirely their responsibility.
Children need more than instructions to be brave. They need practical skills, reliable relationships, and adults who are prepared to intervene.
The goal is not to make a child responsible for preventing bullying. No child should have to change their personality, become physically intimidating, or hide their emotions to deserve safety and respect.
Instead, parents can help children develop four important abilities: communicating assertively, regulating emotions, building supportive relationships, and seeking help effectively.
Skill 1: Teach Confident Body Language Without Demanding Perfection
Body language can influence how children communicate and how others interpret their behavior. Standing upright, speaking clearly, and maintaining comfortable eye contact may help a child feel more prepared during an uncomfortable interaction.
However, parents should be careful not to suggest that a child was bullied because they looked nervous, walked with their head down, or appeared shy.
Bullies may target children for many reasons, including differences in appearance, disability, social circumstances, perceived vulnerability, or simply because an opportunity arises. There is no particular posture or personality trait that causes bullying, and confident body language cannot guarantee that it will stop.
The purpose of practicing body language is to give children another way to express themselves, not to place blame on them.
What confident body language looks like
A child does not need to look intimidating. Calm, natural behavior is enough.
Parents can help children practice the following:
Stand comfortably. Encourage them to keep their shoulders relaxed and their body balanced rather than shrinking away or deliberately puffing themselves up.
Look toward the person speaking. Comfortable eye contact can be useful, but it should not be forced. Some children, including children with certain disabilities or neurodivergent children, may communicate comfortably without sustained eye contact.
Speak clearly. A calm, audible voice can make a boundary easier to understand.
Keep a safe distance. Children should not feel pressured to move closer to someone who is threatening them.
Know when to leave. Walking away from an unsafe situation is not cowardice. It is a sensible safety decision.
Practice through everyday situations
Parents can make this skill part of ordinary family life.
For example, imagine that a child is playing with a toy when another child grabs it and refuses to return it.
At home, a parent might say:
“Let’s practice what you could say if someone takes something that belongs to you.”
The child might respond:
“Please give that back. I was using it.”
If the other child refuses, the parent can help the child practice moving away and asking an adult for assistance.
The exercise should remain supportive rather than becoming a performance test. If the child feels awkward, give them time. Some children become more confident after repeated practice, while others may need additional reassurance.
The central lesson is that confidence is not the absence of fear. It is learning that fear does not remove your right to set boundaries or ask for help.
Skill 2: Teach Calm, Assertive Communication
Children often struggle to respond when someone insults them, mocks their appearance, or deliberately excludes them. They may freeze, cry, shout, or respond aggressively.
These reactions are understandable. When a child feels threatened or humiliated, their body may react before they have time to think through their options.
Parents can help by teaching the difference between passive, aggressive, and assertive communication.
Passive communication means allowing a boundary to be crossed without expressing a concern, often because the child feels afraid or unsure.
Aggressive communication involves threatening, insulting, or hurting another person in response.
Assertive communication means expressing a boundary clearly while avoiding unnecessary aggression.
For example:
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Passive: “It’s fine,” even though the child feels hurt.
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Aggressive: “I’ll hurt you if you do that again!”
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Assertive: “Stop calling me that. I don't like it.”
Assertiveness gives children language they can use without requiring them to win an argument.
Four simple phrases children can learn
“Stop. I don’t like that.”
This communicates a direct boundary.
“That’s not funny.”
This can be useful when someone tries to disguise an insult as a joke.
“Leave me alone.”
This makes the child's wish to disengage clear.
“I’m going to get a teacher.”
This communicates a decision to seek help rather than continue an unsafe interaction.
Children do not need to memorize a long list of clever comebacks. In fact, attempting to embarrass a bully in front of others may escalate the situation.
Short, clear phrases are often easier to remember under pressure.
Teach children that silence is also an option
Assertiveness does not mean a child must always confront the person bullying them.