If a child believes speaking up could lead to physical harm, retaliation, or further humiliation, they should be encouraged to prioritize safety. They can leave, move toward other people, and report the incident to a trusted adult.
There is no single response that works in every situation.
A child should never be told that they failed because they did not respond confidently in the moment. Freezing is a common response to fear, and a child can learn alternative strategies gradually.
Practice without making the child feel tested
Parents can role-play realistic situations, such as being interrupted, having a personal belonging taken, or hearing an unkind comment.
The parent plays the other person briefly, and the child practices a response. Then switch roles so the child can experience what respectful communication feels like from both sides.
Keep the activity short and positive. Praise the child's effort to communicate clearly, not their ability to deliver a perfect line.
Most importantly, explain that assertive words are only one tool. If bullying continues, adults need to help address the behavior.
Skill 3: Help Children Build Supportive Friendships
Friendships can provide companionship, belonging, and emotional support. When a child has even one person they trust, they may feel less isolated when school becomes difficult.
Supportive peers may also be able to accompany a child to an activity, sit with them during lunch, or help them approach a teacher when something goes wrong.
However, it is important not to assume that children with many friends cannot be bullied. Bullying can affect children with different personalities, social groups, and levels of popularity.
The aim is not to make a child socially powerful enough to intimidate others. It is to help them develop meaningful relationships in which they feel accepted.
Focus on connection rather than popularity
Parents sometimes worry when their child does not have a large social circle. But the number of friends a child has is less important than whether they feel safe, respected, and connected.
A child who has one close friend may feel more supported than a child who spends time in a large group where they are constantly mocked.
Parents can encourage friendships by helping children find activities that genuinely interest them.
Examples include:
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Sports and recreational activities.
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Art, music, dance, or drama groups.
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Science, reading, or hobby clubs.
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Community activities.
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Cooperative games and creative projects.
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Small playdates with children who share similar interests.
The activity itself is not the main point. It creates opportunities for children to spend time together, discover common interests, and practice communication.
Help children recognize healthy friendships
Children may sometimes believe they must tolerate unkind behavior to keep a friend. Parents can help them understand the difference between ordinary disagreements and repeated mistreatment.
A healthy friendship generally includes respect, reciprocity, and room for differences. Friends may disagree, become frustrated, or occasionally say something hurtful, but they should be willing to listen, apologize, and repair the relationship.
Warning signs include a child who repeatedly threatens to end the friendship unless they get their way, demands that another child obey them, spreads private information, or deliberately humiliates someone to gain social approval.
Parents can ask questions such as:
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“Do you feel comfortable being yourself around this friend?”
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“What happens when you disagree?”
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“Does this person respect you when you say no?”
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“Do you feel happy and safe after spending time together?”
These conversations help children develop judgment rather than simply following an adult's instructions about whom they should like.
Teach children how to be supportive bystanders
Children who witness bullying may want to help but fear becoming the next target.
They should not be pressured to physically confront the bully. Instead, parents can discuss safer options:
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Invite the targeted child to join another activity.
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Sit or walk with them if it is safe.
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Refuse to laugh at humiliating jokes.
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Tell a trusted adult what happened.
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Check in privately with the child afterward.
Even small acts of inclusion can help someone feel less alone.
Children should also understand that sharing humiliating photos or videos, forwarding cruel messages, and joining in online ridicule can cause harm even when they are not the original aggressor.
The broader lesson is that friendship is not just about finding people who will protect you. It is also about learning to treat others with dignity.
Skill 4: Teach Children to Ask for Help Without Shame
Many children hesitate to report bullying because they fear being called a tattletale, losing friends, or provoking retaliation.
Some have already tried telling an adult and felt dismissed. Others worry that their parents will become angry, confront the other child's family, or make the situation more embarrassing.
Parents can reduce these fears by explaining that asking for help is not a weakness.
There is an important difference between trying to get someone into trouble over a minor disagreement and reporting repeated behavior that threatens someone's safety or well-being.
Children should know that they are allowed to ask for help when someone repeatedly humiliates them, threatens them, damages their belongings, excludes them in a targeted way, or uses physical aggression.
Help children identify trusted adults
A child should ideally know more than one adult they can approach.