Why Don't Married Couples Want to Talk to Each Other?

Married life is bound to have moments of anger and arguments. However, when couples no longer want to talk to each other, it may signal that the marriage is at risk of breaking down.

Any relationship requires communication and exchange. This is the means by which we can understand and express our feelings, thoughts, and desires to our partners. In marriage, there are times when arguments and misunderstandings arise, but if both partners no longer want to communicate, it is a sign that the relationship is being pushed to the brink, with a high risk of falling apart.

Living together, couples will inevitably face moments of frustration, differences of opinion, or trivial matters that make both parties exhausted and fall into silence. However, this silence is usually temporary and is a normal reaction when conflicts or arguments occur.

In some cases, even without any arguments, couples may still not want to talk to each other. They only communicate about essential matters, and their words and tone no longer carry affection or warmth.

When couples no longer want to talk to each other, the marriage is already on the edge. They may still appear to care for each other outwardly, and others may see their relationship as harmonious, but internally, they no longer share the same care and attention they once did when they were first in love.

Many people say that silence is the sharpest knife that kills love. It can be the reason for the breakdown of a relationship if both partners gradually close themselves off and stop sharing, discussing their feelings, emotions, and the ups and downs of their daily lives.

The reasons why couples don't want to talk to each other can stem from many factors. If you want to save your marriage, the first thing you need to do is remain calm and reflect on the reasons behind the silence and coldness between both partners. Afterward, together you can find a way to address the issues and rekindle the happiness in your family.

Some common reasons why couples don't want to talk to each other:

1.  Couples are bored with each other

When they were in love, couples wanted to share everything—the joys, the sorrows, everything that happened in their lives. They were eager to listen to each other and share. However, after living together for some time, feelings can fade, and one or both partners may feel bored with married life.

Each person is an individual with different thoughts, emotions, and viewpoints. Therefore, when entering marriage, you might be surprised by the flaws in your partner. Initially, you may accept and easily forgive these shortcomings, but over time, they can become a source of irritation, leading to exhaustion and frustration.

Many couples try to communicate and share their dissatisfaction with each other. However, if both cannot change for each other, the discomfort will only increase, and eventually, one might stop wanting to communicate, feeling that their partner no longer respects, loves, or wants to nurture the relationship.

2.  Infidelity

Infidelity is perhaps the biggest reason why couples stop talking to each other. When a third party enters the picture, it means the marriage is no longer intact. The presence of someone new gradually causes the relationship to drift apart, and one partner may no longer be fully committed to the marriage.

Both men and women are often attracted to novelty and excitement. When they allow someone else into their marriage, it is usually because they have lost interest in their partner’s feelings and thoughts. At this point, they may spend more time caring for their lover, and naturally, they no longer feel the need to converse or share anything with their spouse.

Even the one who is being betrayed may feel exhausted by the marriage. Many choose to live with the person who is betraying them, ignoring the issue and remaining silent in an attempt to hold onto a marriage that is slowly falling apart.

3.  Not sharing the same perspective

Differences and disagreements in viewpoints can also lead to silence between couples. In reality, no couple understands each other completely or has the same opinions and desires. Every person is unique and has their own perspectives, interests, and wishes.

Differences can bring excitement and attraction to a relationship, as the compensatory rules make us want to explore and conquer our partner. However, when these differences grow too large, they can create a significant gap in the marriage.

We tend to share more with people who have similar views and interests because it feels comfortable and supportive. On the other hand, sharing with those who have different opinions can lead to arguments and conflicts. Therefore, many couples choose silence to avoid disagreements.

However, a successful marriage requires sharing and discussing. If both partners avoid talking about their views and opinions, their emotional connection will gradually fade, and the marriage may come to an end.

4.  Domestic vio.lence

When we think of domestic vio.lence, we often associate it with physical abuse that affects one's body. However, there is a more terr.ifying form of abuse—psychological abuse, also known as "cold abuse." This occurs when one person in a relationship stops or reduces verbal communication with their partner, causing deep emotional ha.rm.

This is different from the silence that occurs to give both parties time to think about the issue. Cold abuse is characterized by indifference, emotional neglect, and not valuing the feelings or thoughts of the spouse. It is a one-sided form of abuse, where the abused partner cannot respond to the eerie silence.

Cold abuse often occurs in marriages where one partner is indifferent, ignores, or treats the other as invisible. This form of abuse can severely dam.age the self-esteem of the victim. When cold abuse happens in a marriage, both partners feel exhausted by the current situation, and they may stop communicating, looking at each other as invisible, and no longer argue, share, or show affection.

5. Both partners not listening to each other
   Sometimes, couples do not want to talk because they do not understand or listen to each other. This often happens in couples who married at a young age, with strong egos that make it difficult for them to listen and tolerate others, even their loved ones.

Instead of listening to their partner, many individuals focus on expressing their own desires and thoughts. They only care about their own feelings and what they want, ignoring their partner’s emotions. Couples who do not share or listen to each other find it difficult to express themselves, so they choose silence.

6. Indifference
   Indifference can destroy a once-beautiful relationship. After living together for a long time, couples sometimes become complacent and stop paying attention to the small things that made their relationship special. They may forget important dates or not make an effort to show love.

Many people believe that once they are married, they no longer need to pay attention to such things, focusing instead on building a future and taking care of children. However, a happy and complete marriage requires attention to each other, even in the small, everyday matters.

Indifference, though small, can make the other person feel neglected, especially sensitive individuals. When one partner feels that the other no longer cares about their likes or small changes, it can create thousands of negative feelings.

Over time, this indifference will lead to a lack of communication and the fading of affection. Eventually, couples may choose to divorce to escape the indifference in their marriage.

What should couples do if they are not talking to each other?
Communication is an essential and important factor in building and maintaining a lasting relationship, especially in marriage. Many couples may appear happy and harmonious on the outside, but internally, there is decay and an eerie silence.

If both spouses stop talking to each other, the atmosphere in the house becomes gloomy, and the marriage may slowly fall into a dead end. This silence can also lead to significant psychological harm for children, who may not feel the love of their parents.

To save a marriage on the brink of collapse, couples should take the following actions:

1. Take responsibility and stop blaming
   As mentioned, the lack of communication in marriage often comes from unresolved conflicts and differing viewpoints. To break the silence, one partner needs to take the initiative, apologize, and reconcile. In love, winning or losing isn’t the most important thing—don’t win an argument but lose the relationship.

By taking the initiative to apologize and express sincerity, the partner will feel comforted and understand their mistakes.

2. Choose the right time
   No one likes to talk when they are tired, busy, or under stress. Similarly, one should not discuss private matters in public. To improve communication, choose the right time and space. You can talk to your partner before bedtime, sharing your daily feelings and thoughts.

3. Be mindful of your words, tone, and body language
   To attract attention and be heard, use concise words, a soft tone, and natural body gestures. Avoid appearing angry or irritated, as it can make your partner lose interest in the conversation.

4. Respect differences
   For couples to maintain harmony, each partner needs to respect the other's differences. Listening and respecting each other's viewpoints can help improve the relationship.

5. Always try to rekindle the relationship
   Marriage requires constant effort from both parties. To keep the love alive, create new experiences together, whether cooking, traveling, or enjoying time alone.

6. Seek professional help
   If efforts to improve communication fail, seeking help from a therapist can help both partners understand the root cause of their silence and find effective solutions.

By following these steps, couples can revive their marriage and build a happier and more enduring relationship.